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And if you see that you have some role in the conflicts, you have more power to start the process of change.Įven if you don’t have a role in the problems, you may be the one who needs to instigate change. Getting out of “right and wrong” thinking will probably take initiative on your part. This can lead to defending yourself rather than seeing what you might do differently to help the relationship get back on track. As people with high levels of compulsiveness can become very adamant about being right, it can be hard not to get caught up in the same approach. Conflict in relationships is most often an issue of fit and chemistry. In order to jump-start that process, you may need to consider that they don’t cause all the problems on their own. Their compulsiveness can be enlisted in the service of the relationship.īut in this article, I want to focus on what partners of individuals with OCPD can do to improve the relationship. Some relationships with OCPD partners can improve. Improving a Relationship with an OCPD Partner If they refuse to go to individual therapy or couples therapy, if they are unwilling to acknowledge that their life is out of balance, and if they don’t take responsibility for how they treat you, there may be little you can do but protect yourself. You can’t always work out relationships with people who have full-blown OCPD.

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As someone who frequently writes about OCPD, much of the correspondence I receive comes from partners of people with OCPD asking desperately for advice about how to live with them. Doing things right can become more important than being happy together. The same can be said for how people with OCPD handle their relationships. They tend to keep working the whole time and are prone to getting upset when things don’t go exactly as planned. And they can get so caught up in rules and schedules that they lose the point of whatever they’re doing.įor instance, they may often forget the point of a vacation. They may emphasize work over relationships. They can be very critical and domineering. They may insist on having things their way because they’re convinced their way is the right way. Still, even people who have just some traits of OCPD can be difficult to live with. Partners with a compulsive personality style can be loyal, hard-working, reliable, productive, meticulous, conscientious, and dependable. In fact, compulsive traits are found on a continuum-from healthy and adaptive to unhealthy and maladaptive, from conscientious and productive to rigid and destructive. That is, they may struggle in some of the ways that people with OCPD do but don’t meet all of the criteria for the diagnosis. Many people have just traits of OCPD, not full-blown OCPD. To understate the case, they’re not typically known for being fun-loving. One of the defining distinctions between OCD and OCPD is that people with OCPD tend to be good at delaying gratification-often too good. And this can have a more devastating impact on relationships. People with OCPD, on the other hand, have issues that affect the entire personality. While there is some overlap in symptoms, OCD is significantly different and is characterized by more specific problems such as repetitive hand-washing, locking and unlocking doors, the need to have everything clean and orderly, and intrusive thoughts. Many people, even clinicians, confuse OCPD with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. While even many therapists are unfamiliar with this diagnosis, it’s the most common personality disorder found in the United States, at a rate of about 7.9% of the population (Sansone & Sansone, 2011).īut it’s also the most unrecognized (Koutoufa & Furnham, 2014). If your partner is controlling, rigid, perfectionistic, and preoccupied with work and orderliness, they may have OCPD, or obsessive compulsive personality disorder.
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This event is available at no additional cost to Premium and Pro GoodTherapy Members (Basic Members and mental health professionals without membership can view this event live for $29.95). His continuing education presentation for GoodTherapy, titled “The Healthy Compulsive: Treating Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder,” will take place on Maand is eligible for two CE credits. How to Send Appointment Reminders that WorkĮditor’s note: Gary Trosclair, DMA, LCSW is a private practice psychotherapist and Jungian analyst in New York City and Westchester County, New York.Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists.
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